With babies, a toddler, or older kids around the home. Some days I find myself staring at the clock waiting for bed time. Especially in the middle of the week. When days can blend into one and during winter when it’s dark early and we spend a lot of time sitting at home. What to do when we are all at home and have run out of activities? During the school years where life seems so monotonous and taxing. I often find myself pacing around the home doing lots of household work. I feel overwhelmed. I also know  that I need to take care of my mental health and myself, but I don’t know how to have ME  time knowing I have to constantly keep an eye on the kids and keep them entertained. How to find more joy in this long journey. After all motherhood is happiness.

Here are the best reminders to help me turn a bad day into a better one. A list of thought processes and things to do with the children to help us all be in a better mood and relax a little bit.

1. Every day with our children is a gift

Truly every day raising our children IS A GIFT. To raise children is a privilege. To be around children is a privilege. Children will teach us more than what we teach them if we let them.

We get to spend a few years along this journey with little ones that, yes will also break our heart at times. But especially when little, our children will love us unconditionally. They will look at us like we are their heroes. They will be our little best friends.

I have learned that when I can switch my mindset about parenting and focus on what I am thankful for in this long journey, what I do becomes less annoying. I see what I do as a privilege. I recognize more how what I do matters.

2. Don’t worry about solving every problem in the world

You know what else we need to do to be less stressed? As humans, especially good humans, sometimes we don’t realize that we develop a little bit of a hero mentality. We want to save and change the world and make it better. We want to change everything!

As humans throughout history we have always lived in communities. We only had to worry about the problems that were closer to us. With technology, while it’s true we can reach the ends of the earth. Problems from the ends of the earth also reach us. And we are not supposed to take on that much stress.

We take on the stress from problems that are far that we cannot solve. And the problem is that our bodies are now feeling this stress. It’s too much for our brains to handle. We aren’t meant to be taking it all. Throughout history we only worried about what was happening within walking distance. Or within a physical distance. Those are our neighbors, friends, and relatives living within our reach. Trying to take on the stress of everything that is being thrown at us in the world all at once is too much for our bodies to handle.

We are meant to worry only about what is close to us. What we can physically and humanly reach. That is already enough to worry about. That is just enough. 

3. Let go of nighttime guilt by doing the following:

Mom guilt is a real thing. We feel guilty at the end of the day for all that we didn’t do. For what we said that was wrong. Blah blah blah!  JK! I have done it plenty of nights in my life. The best favor we can do ourselves and our children is to spend the time we have when we are alone taking a break from motherhood. Just like any job, as moms we often struggle to turn off our brain from our mom shift. But breaks are needed. Especially in the evening we go into overload because we have been parenting all day. So our brain can shoot at us a million playbacks of the day. In reality we are basically hallucinating. We are stuck on playback repeat. Oftentimes we playback only the bad.  A great way to recharge for the next day is to go to bed happy. They say you wake up feeling the way you felt when you went to bed. So bed time is a sacred time to recharge and do positive affirmations and look forward to a better day and future. I often pray at night time to release everything bad that I did. I apologize to God. I apologize to my kids if I need to. Then I work on shrugging off the guilt and finding time to unwind in a peaceful way. whether I journal, read a book, watch a show, spend time with my husband. We will do better to ourselves and our children  if we pursue a hobby or something to help us get our mind off of our worries.

4. Love your children at each stage

As kids we couldn’t wait to grow up. As parents we want to prevent our children from growing up. When we get stuck in the past we don’t appreciate the present. Every stage has something to be loved. When we look at our children and love them at every stage we will regret less and stress less about parenthood.

I love to walk around the house and clean up each room before going to bed. I also love to touch and feel each one of my kid’s tiny hands and faces. I check for signs that they are still breathing. I also like to make physical contact because I want them to wake up tomorrow. I say a little prayer for their health as I watch them sleep. I love how peaceful they look. I see how precious they are no matter how old they are getting.

As they grow we will need to adapt how we interacted connect with our kids. Their needs will change. I am learning that the more I appreciate each stage, the less I regret what I did yestrday. The more I realize that they are always little no matter how big they are getting.

5. Turn a bad day into a good one with mother and son fun activities

Some days we like to  have every kid do quiet time in their room. Depending on their age I allow them to choose an activity such as art, play doh, playing with a favoirite toy, or reading a book. I then go to my bedroom so I can turn on an online guided meditation.

Other days the kids keep knocking on my door telling me that they are bored and they seem to be as down as I am.

There comes an age where this advice will no longer be feasible. But when the little ones are around and kids and mom both need a time out, sometimes it’s time to let it all go and have some fun.

Sensory activities boost not only kids, but also adults. At any age doing activities that require our own hands can be calming and also a great way to pastime.

Hobbies is something that has become so overrated. But something so simple can be really rewarding. Kids learn to develop their fine motor skills and develop their tiny hand muscles with simple activities. Such as cutting a traced paper. Or from coloring in between the lines a picture. They also develop penmanship skills by spending time even just doodling, or following lines or tracing stencils.

Mixing food in a bowl. Screwing and unscrewing objects. Learning how to yarn. Learning how to make bows and glueing projects together. Crafts and hobbies are a great affordable way that can be fun both for mom and kids to create something with your own hands and have structured relaxing time together.

In culinary school you become a better chef by cutting not 1 potato but thousands of them. We can do that at home too. Our children need to develop skills. We also can develop lots of fine motor skills. It is not a waste of time to develop talents and skills that enrich who we are at a personal level. Maybe they don’t make us money. Maybe these things cost us a little bit of money. It is ok to invest a little in things that Bring us joy. The problem we have as adults is that we worry only about the bills and often don’t set up a budget for things that will enrich our lives in meaningful ways.

6. Music and dance

Something that lifts our mood at home is happy songs and music. Double that when we also turn in into a dance party. It’s our favorite way to forget about our troubles. I hate dancing in public. But I love to dance at home with my children. They allow themselves to feel the music and join hands with me while we turn around in circles. Even the moodiest child eventually will give in and join us to dance when we do. Dance is a great way to express and release emotions. I love that children won’t judge and will gladly join as well. Music can also help focus. We often play classical music so I dint have to worry about all the negative messages that are mixed with the most beautiful of modern tunes. Plus classical music is more refined. It’s soothing.

We make sure to select also fast paced music and upbeat tunes. Music can lift your mood. But sad songs can also bring back sad feelings. So when we need a mood boost, we make sure to select happy songs. when we do the dishes and chores instead, we select fast music to help us pick up the pace. It is proven that we match the tone of the music playing. Hence why restaurants play fast songs, and stores play party often sensual music.

7. Do something different and out of the ordinary.

Youth often seem so much happier than us. Kids get os excited at the sight of an airplane. It’s because it’s all new to them. Do you ever meet an employee that is super chipper and excited to help you? new things bring excitement. New things being growth. As adults we don’t realize that we often are stuck doing the same things over and over again. Things that sometimes we have outgrown. We stop stretching ourselves. We stop growing. Growing doesn’t necessarily mean changing career overnight. Although nowadays that is something worth looking into.

Growing means pursuing a new activity. A new passion. Something that we are afraid to try and never have. Something that we are not good at but want to become good at. Something we secretly wish we could do and have always wanted to. We live in a world where even adults can do dance, and gymnastics. I have seen adults accomplish the middle splits for the first time in the mid 30’s. New doesn’t end something that will cost money. We all have something we have always wished we could do. As adults we often focus so much on the skills we want our kids to accomplish. But completely write off our lives as if it was too late to try anything new. We can learn and pick up so many new skills and change in a matter of months. It’s a slow consistent path. A slow ladder that we can climb to show the way to our children as well. to also teach our children that it’s not just about them. that some day they will have a partner in life. And it’s ok for everyone in the house to take turns to accomplish something they like .

Moms are truly leaders in the home. Our kids watch us. And a truly happy mom is truly what can show everyone else that it is a mom who is living well. 

Over the years I am learning that often times I worry about my kids more than themselves. I am seeing instead that the kids need me to be ok. They need me to be accomplished. They need me to be their hero. They need me to pave and lead the way. A happy mom is also a mom who will back off a little and allow her children to be. Because a lot of times our kids are more content than we are and are ok just where they are. They don’t need us to push them more. They don’t need more activities. It’s us who need to rebalance. It’s mom who needs an outlet. Mom who needs more fun. More rest. More hobbies. More relaxing. Just to be a little more at peace with life and fulfilled. The rest will fall into place after. 

The post 7 ways for moms to worry less and decompress appeared first on Life At Casa.

Ok! So first of all, for the last 15 years of my life I have never gone on a vacation without the kids. Truth is I freaking love my kids. I know they will be home with us only for a stage of life. And even though some days I need  a break from them. I freaking love my kids. I don’t look forward to the day they will be out of the house. I aslo know that since I started having kids at a very young age I could possible by an empty nester for the next 40 to 60 years depending on how long I will live. But lately it wasn’t them who needed a break it was me. It was time for a mom time out. So I tried a completely out of the ordinary unexpected, movie not hopping on a plane in order to do it, mom vacation. 

Recently I hit a point in my life where I was having so much anxiety. I tried everything like I had done in the past whenever I have had depression. I haven’t taken any medication for depression in years. 

Since the ending of the last school year I had been so burned out. I was tired of driving around all school year. Then summer hit and I thought I would relax but I didn’t. I was doing accurate so I coudln’t even be in the sun which is something I absolutely love. I had to balance being at home with the kids while they drove me insane or driving everywhere to activities to keep them occupied. 

We then went to Italy to visit my family for a month and while we had the best time of our lives. I still struggled some days finding reasons to be grateful and pushing away all the fears. I couldn’t tackle the stresses of life. I wasn’t motivated to take on any new challenges like I had in the past. This time I was done with doing hard things. 

Our family went on a short vacation to Florida for some business for my husband. We stayed at a very safe place. This was another attempt for us at trying to have a relaxing weekend before going back home. Sure enough I spent it bickering with my husband about how he left his hair on the bathroom floor I had just cleaned, and stressing at the pool about my kids drowning or asking the to behave within the complex. The only silence I would get was at 11 pm at night when everyone went to bed. And by then all I could think of was how miserable I felt inside.

So I ahd an idea. At first I couldn’t believe I was even thinking of doing this. But sure enough I finally said it. I told the family that I wanted to stay behind while everyone else was going to go home.

See years ago, I went to Europe with the kids for 6 weeks while David had a very long break. He sure worked a lot. But he said he had so much time for himself he became a new person. He still owed me those 6 weeks. I had banked them real wisely and was saving them for the right moment! Haha! I had found one! 

I put everyone on a plane and cried as they left regretting what I had just done immediately. But I knew I needed it. The first day I had to spend it catching up on all of our emails and little tedious things even though I was on vacation. There was also a tornado warning so I had t head to the store and purchase water and food in case of a lock down. I was alos terrified I had made the stupidest decision ever and now on top of that I was going to die! Haha. Luckily nothing ever happened. 

I thought I was going to go shopping and eat out. Yet I had zero desire to do anything. The best gift to myself was the one to stay home and have nothing to do and no one asking me to move. 

Because I was more relaxed I fell asleep a lot earlier. I also woke up with the sun at 5.30 to 6 am. I would pray and meditate. I would stretch for the longest time. I had the tightest hamstrings and hips of my entire life. After a few days I finally started seeing progress. My body aches the most when it is exposed to a lot of stress.

Because I wanted to be able to go home if I ever decided to change my mind, I never bought a returning flight. Every day I checked prices to make sure they were stable just in case. And I preselected a returning flight just in case I ever got super home sick and I wanted to go home right away. 

The days went by a lot faster than I thought. I started to break down circles and patterns in my life and my mind. I started figuring out things that even we had to change for my husband’s work because I had time to meditate. I made amazing discoveries and cemented more positive beliefs in my mind. I didn’t see the results immediately. But I did notice after a few days. I also notice once I got home. 

I listened to podcasts and wrote letters to loved ones. I called family members. I took super long baths and listened to the silence. I learned to be ok with being by myself. I leaned to be brave and patient as I confronted each day by myself. I acted differently. I felt I had to be more careful. I also noticed I didn’t care for things I normally didn’t do at home now that I was alone. I made a list of what I wanted to let go of once I’d be back.

The kids at home also got to bond and grow closer to their dad. He absolutely loved that. I usually do it all automatically and sometimes bother David for not letting him be involved. I also saw how the kids got a little bit more detached from coming to me to solve each and everyone of their problems. From asking me where to get more toilet paper, to whether they should have the 50th piece of candy for that day, in the last little while I had been extremely overwhelmed at home by how much responsibility the kids shifted to me. Even though I said it they needed to make choices on their own and learn to manage themselves, they loved to shift all the responsibilities on me before. From how to solve their fights to putting their underwear away. This little break made them had to be more independent.

Some days I didn’t think things were as fun as other moms make It seem to be on instagram. I loved it, but I did still miss the kids. I love to share every moment with m husband and children. I still wouldn’t trade it for the world.

After a few days a friend of mine who also wanted some personal time made a last minute trip and came to see me. I am glad she did because I don’t know if I would have ever come back home otherwise. This turned trip into part II.

 My friend is really good at taking care of herself especially when it comes to beauty. We went to eat at super fun restaurants together. We went to the spa. She showed me the best products for body care. I learned from her that you can also use a body scrub. I tried it and my skin was the softest it had ever been in years and was all shiny and glossy. 

My friend also took me to a famous esthetician and we purchased products they recommended. I spent a butt load. But I also ventured out and tried a new overnight leave on chemical peel. When I woke up my skin was shiny it was so well exfoliated. I discovered amazing skin products that over the following months would change my skin in amazing ways. 

My face and under eyes started to look less wrinkled because I wasn’t spending as many days making stressed or mad faces I’m pretty sure. Lol!

I finally felt just like I did when I was 16. Slowly I remembered who I was. 

I also had many guys hit on me. Or at least talk to me. A mom of 4, being hit on by younger guys? Not going to lie, I was scared of the temptation, but I also loved that I realized I still got it! I sure needed it. I realized that I would never cheat on my husband because he is good to me. I also warned him that he’d better keep it up  It’s hard to be unfaithful when you have been a great spouse and your spouse is great to you. A great reminder that being good to others fills their bucket and is something you won’t forget. 

I still had at times moments of sadness when I would see a family. Or kids playing with their moms by the pool. When I came home though I was more grateful land appreciative of everyone. Because I had to fend for myself my confidence grew in my capacities.

 Having to also help my husband solve some of his business issues while on vacations made me realize how strong I am. 

My anxiety didn’t go away right away. But having a friend helped me be distracted and go out and about more. 

I came home stronger. I came home filled with Vitamin D. I came home with new goals and resolutions. I came home with a closer bond to my friend. I also made an appointment with my doctor for stomach burnings I had. Because of that I finally learned that I had some stomach issues that we were able to solve. Healing my gut helped my depression and anxiety go away. I had researched about it on google and that is when I saw a correlation between gut health and anxiety. Because I had more time on my hands to do that while on the vacation, I was able to eventually solve a huge cause of my anxiety. For my months my stomach felt super full. I had cramps. I could barely eat, after 3 bites I felt full. Now I was finally on a path to recovery. That burning I felt even when I would meditate on vacation. It made me want to always be on the move and barely eat. Finally I had some answers.

Before this trip I was always thinking that some moms liked to vacation a bit too much. I think I looked at the wrong kind of moms. I think there is a fine line between being involved and sometimes going on a vacation. Or being always distracted while at home, going out with friends like you are still in high school, and then going on vacation and dumping your kids for the grandparents to raise. You can laugh at me for thinking that way, but I swear I feel like social media makes some parents seem just like that. 

I realized that there was a way to do it that didn’t have to be extreme that way. I could do it in a healthy way. 

Coming home I am not going to lie, many times in my head I have wanted to run back to my nice space in Miami. I miss the sun. It’s winter where we live. I miss the views. I miss the peace I felt when meditated while staring into the ocean. It’s my kids of zen. I refrain myself from doing it though. I want to live in a balanced way. I am committed to my family and to making the necessary sacrifices. 

I am more aware of how important it is to break routines. Try new things. Visit new places. Spend time alone. A happy mom drives a happy home. I am the glue that shows the kids that things are ok. If I am ok myself. I need to be in positive mental space in order to be the positive motivator for my tiny little children who are terrified of the world. Having personal time recharged all the positive buttons and hopes in within me. 

So, what do you think? Is a mom vacation worth it? Have you ever done one? I want to hear all about it. Leave a comment in the comment section! 

The post I tried my first mom vacation,  here is how it went!  appeared first on Life At Casa.